Conscious Fathering

Sorry it's been awhile since I've found time for this :-P.  We're on the final stretch and our daughter will be here anytime in the next three weeks.  We just finished all our classes, had the baby shower and are finishing up cleaning and preparing our home.  This is really happening and we're about as ready as we'll ever be.  In my last class, Conscious Fathering (class just for guys), we were using dolls to learn how to hold a baby correctly, and while I was holding it, looking at its face and imagining what it will be like with my daughter, I felt something that I never felt before and can't even really describe.  In previous classes working with the dolls, I didn't feel anything and was just going through the motions.  I'm not sure if that means I'm ready, but something is definitely different now.

I also got three main points about being a father from that class:

1. If your baby is crying, immediately check on them.  They cry for a reason and you might not know it, but you should try to figure it out anyways. Even if you don't manage to figure it out, they'll learn that you are always there for them, no matter what.  Lots of people say that you should let the baby self sooth otherwise you'll spoil them, and even in the class when the instructor first asked how long should you wait before checking up on a crying baby there were varying responses.  However babies aren't even capable of manipulation until they're 1 year old, and even then, don't you want your baby to think that you will always be there for them when they need you?

2. It's the quality of time that you spend with your child, not the quantity.  When you are with your child, be there, focused on them.  Children are smart, they'll know whether your mind is there or not.

3. Finally, think about what fatherhood is, and what kind of father you want to be.  Write it down and refer to it every now and then as a reminder, because every father will lose there way at some point.  So here's my first pass at what kind of father I want to be:

* provide a safe environment
* establish traditions, both cultural and new ones, and have them feel the magic of the holidays
* impart on them an understanding of their cultural history, but not to let it bind them
* read to them, play with them
* present for their important events
* provide just enough pressure so they have ambition, but not to the point where that's all they worry about
* supportive in whatever path in life they choose
* the kind of parent where they will feel comfortable talking to me about anything
* no corporeal punishment
* open minded
* forgiving
* be there for them always, no matter what happens
* material/financial provider